It's a Girl Thing: How One Young Woman Is Taking a Stand Against Bullying
Haley Kilpatrick just wanted to help her little sister get through middle school without bullying or self-esteem issues. Now, through the organization she started at age 15, she's changed the lives of 35,000 girls — and counting.
Haley Kilpatrick didn’t set out to change the world. But as the founder and executive director of Girl Talk, an international mentoring program for middle school girls, she’s on track to do just that.
The 24-year-old Albany, Ga., native was a high school sophomore when she started Girl Talk in 2002 as a way to help her younger sister through middle school. The idea was born out of Kilpatrick’s own junior high experience, which she says was, to put it mildly, less than perfect. “I became a diminished version of myself,” Kilpatrick recalls in the next episode of Everyday Health, airing Oct. 15 or 16 on your local ABC station. “I was eating lunch in the bathroom, not really feeling included, and just in general questioning who I was and what I stood for.”
Kilpatrick felt lost. “I didn’t have an older sister. And I didn’t have someone who I felt I could go home to and talk with about what I was going through,” she says.
Wanting to prevent her younger sister from ever feeling the same way, Kilpatrick came up with the idea to have high school girls like herself mentor middle school girls like her sister. She knew other people in her grade had struggled in middle school, too, and she figured the younger girls could benefit from their experiences and advice. But she never predicted how much. “I thought five or six people would come to that first meeting,” she says. Instead, 80 percent of the middle school girls showed up.
Girl Talk Gets Real
Kilpatrick may have started out just wanting to help her sister, but her mission now is much larger. Today, Girl Talk reaches 35,000 girls in 43 states and four countries, including Canada and Australia. And in its founder’s eyes, it’s just getting started. “There are 11.6 million middle school girls in the U.S. alone who are in need of a positive mentor,” she says. “So 35,000 girls may seem like a lot, but it’s a drop in the bucket for me.”
The need for a place where girls can go to be heard is greater than ever before, she adds. “Technology has grown faster in the past 10 years than it ever has in our history, and it’s a key part of the problem. We've gone from this issue of bullying to cyberbullying. Girls are able to anonymously hurt and antagonize one another.”
“Girls bully in different ways than boys,” explains Kara Friedman, MS, a licensed therapist and a member of Girl Talk’s advisory board. “They’ll do it in a way that causes other girls to feel emotionally excluded.”
According to a 2009 survey, nearly 30 percent of middle school girls have been bullied in some way. And that can have serious consequences. One national study found that 75 percent of girls with self-esteem issues struggle with eating disorders or harmful behaviors like cutting, smoking, or drinking.
“Girl bullying is a little more insidious than, say, punching someone in the face — but it can be just as damaging, if not more so,” says Everyday Health medical director Mallika Marshall, MD, a pediatrician and internist with the Massachusetts General Hospital Chelsea Urgent Care Clinic. Middle school girls, in particular, she adds, may feel the effects more intensely than others.
“These are kids who are 11 to 15 years old. They’re often going to a new school, they’re being placed under greater academic demand, they have new teachers, and they’re sort of trying to establish their independence from their parents, so they’re relying a lot more on their peers for social acceptance. Add to that the fact that their bodies are changing because they’re going through puberty — so they’re self-conscious about everything anyway — and it really is a recipe for disaster.” (Read more from Dr. Marshall about why bullying is worse than ever — and how parents can help.)
Research supports Dr. Marshall’s concerns. One report, sponsored by Dove, found that 7 in 10 girls think they aren’t good enough or don’t measure up in some way. And almost half of 12- to 13-year-olds were unhappy with their looks.
Girl Talk makes a point to address those issues by teaching girls to celebrate their differences and the differences of their peers — some of whom are people they might never interact with otherwise. “We have girls who are athletic, we have cheerleaders, we have girls on the drama team, and we have girls who don't participate in anything after school,” Kilpatrick says. “No matter what your socioeconomic status is or where you come from, Girl Talk is relevant because there's not one specific type of middle school girl who has it the hardest.
“Ultimately, even the girls who contribute to the problem are going through the same thing. So we bring them all together,” she adds. “We really just encourage them to think before they speak, think before they post, and treat each other the way they want to be treated.”
Girl Talk girls and their mentors (called “leaders”) meet in adult-supervised weekly sessions to talk about specific topics, or “lessons,” which cover everything from cyberbullying to underage drinking. At each session, the girls discuss the issue, share personal stories, and make a pledge to incorporate what they learned. They also have the option to participate in events like Project Inside Out, a week-long summer camp with guest speakers and community service projects.
How Girl Talk Changes Lives
The bonding experience extends way beyond official Girl Talk meetings. “The relationships that are formed are life-changing,” Kilpatrick says. “They become friendships. They become family.” She recalls one very shy girl who started out at Girl Talk in 2009 sitting by herself at lunch and avoiding the other participants. “The next day, I saw three girls introduce themselves and sit next to her,” Kilpatrick says. “By the end of the week, she was singing and dancing and opening up about her experiences — and now she’s giving back as a counselor for Girl Talk!”
In fact, 83 percent of the middle school girls who participate in Girl Talk go on to become Girl Talk leaders.
“Girl Talk has really inspired me and changed me as a person, because I used to be insecure about myself,” says Natalie, a third-year Girl Talk leader. “Being able to help these girls understand that they’re good people has helped me realize that I’m a good person, too.”
“Girl Talk has prepared me for a life of giving and a life of leadership and a life of positive change,” adds Megan, another Girl Talk leader, who’s planning to start her own chapter at the middle school in Athens-Clarke County, where she’ll be attending college. “It's all about positive change and telling girls how beautiful and perfect and amazing they are. And that’s something I wish I’d had growing up. It's really something that every single girl in America and beyond could benefit from.”
To find out more about Girl Talk, tune in to Everyday Health, hosted by Laila Ali, on October 15 or 16 on your local ABC station.
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